To Click or Not to Click?

I feel immensely privileged to have been asked to write a blog following my recent experience, so I hope I can do you proud, although the pressure of the occasion has caused me some angst!

As you might have read on Sister Zarias’ recent blog comments I have been somewhat stuck in a dilemma over a man that can only be described as genuinely decent and lovely. So you must ask why have I chosen the difficult option of calling it off?

Well, it’s experience that has guided me this time. Last year, having split from Mr Love-of-My-Life I decided to start internet dating (like Sister Louise before me), partly to prove to Mr L-O-M-L that if he can move on then so can I.

My first date was nothing less than a disaster and from there on in there were some valuable lessons to be learnt on my cyber-journey!

Lesson one…always, always make sure you speak to the person you are about to meet. The words received on a text message do not always give an accurate reflection of the person. Once a voice is added, the picture can change significantly! I lovingly refer to date number one as Gollum!

The second date, arranged for the day after Gollum (my theory to things like this and job interviews is “it’s a numbers game”!) was OK, but when his name mysteriously went from Tim to Colin overnight, I think there was another big lesson to be learnt here.

Lesson two… crap name, crap everything else! Bit harsh but mark my words.

The third date didn’t happen, thank god, as having learnt from Lesson One, I decided to call him before meeting him - Neil turned out to be a Norman, not by de-poll, but by character…which, in my mind qualified him to be assorted into the ‘Lesson Two’ male category and I decided thenceforth to give him a wide birth!

Lesson three… well; at this point, I decided internet dating just wasn’t making me happy.

So there my internet dating was postponed. Until just recently, when I decided it was time to shake up my life a little – I must be a glutton for punishment. So I joined a different dating site, for fear and shame of bumping into the other half-wits again.

Within a very short space of time I had a couple of hopefuls hooked on my broadband line, including Mr Genuine. Very quickly I discovered that I was completely drawn to him and wanted to know more. Then it all started to go wrong.

Mr Genuine sent me some more pictures of himself in exchange for a few of me…it turns out I definitely have a “type”, the same type that Mr L-O-M-L also fits into. Hmmm not the best start, but I convince myself that he will be different, so onwards, I must.
Emails turn to texts, texts turn to phone calls, phone calls turn into dates. This man is really kind, caring, funny and best of all he really, really, likes me.

Now, I’m not saying I’m high maintenance, but it is fair to say I have expectations of what I want to find in my other half. A tough lesson I learnt from Mr L-O-M-L is that love isn’t always enough.

You see the thing is I could have seen myself falling in love with Mr Genuine, but I know it just wouldn’t have been enough. You see he doesn’t tick some of my fundamental check boxes in life, in fact it’s those very same check boxes that Mr L-O-M-L failed to find the ink to complete and I could just see history repeating itself. Furthermore, the uncanny resemblance these two men shared with each other was never going to be a positive thing – even down to the same birthday month and dislike of cheese and tomatoes! Were they in fact one and the same?

Saying farewell to Mr Genuine was not easy and not a decision I have taken lightly, but when a relationship is young and still your gut instinct is causing you restless nights, you do end up questioning whether your head knows better than your heart.

So I’m left wondering if all these lessons add up to one greater teaching… can the internet really help you find that person in life that you really click with or should you just click the off button and start living?

Written by Soul Sister for Sisters In The City.