Sisters Are Doing It To Themselves

Last Saturday night, I was out on the town with a few girlfriends and was faced with a typical teenage girl scenario which, seems to have continued well into our 20s and 30s – 'A' (let’s call her Jane) fancies 'B' (lets call him John) but doesn’t get a look in because 'C' (Jen) spends all night flirting with him and stealing his attention for herself. Except it’s more complicated than it was when we were teenagers - because Jen is married! When I was a shy teenage girl, extremely frustrated by this kind of behaviour in my friends, I had no idea that I would still have to endure it in adulthood. I assumed by this age that we’d all be married and looking after three or four children which hasn’t turned out to plan (thank goodness!) but evidently, from Saturday night’s events, being married doesn’t prevent this behaviour. We will always have insecurities no matter how old or ‘settled’ we are, and flirting with our friends’ man of choice or using some other method of winning a man’s affections over a friend, seems to be the best way to boost a girl's confidence. I’m not saying that we’re all fighting each other to win a man, or that we all secretly hate each other, as I don’t believe that in the slightest. I love my friends to bits and am equally certain that they feel the same (in fact I think my boyfriend is more jealous of my close female friendships than he is of other men!) I just think that maybe, after a little alcohol and male attention, girls can behave in a way that doesn’t help the general cause!

I have spent most of my life as the reliable single friend. You know the one? The one you can rely on to be single forever. I am always there as a shoulder to cry on when my friends have been dumped, I can be relied on for a night out on the pull, or a late night chin wag re. how hard it is to find a man even though we are such amazing girls!! So although my friends are happy that I have finally found myself a boyfriend, I know there is a bit of disappointment that I’m no longer dependably single! And I know I am absolutely capable of this resentment myself. I hate it when my best friends get boyfriends. Or that horrible feeling you get when they’re out on a date and you’re secretly hoping it doesn’t work out so they don’t suddenly disappear into blissful relationshipdom and abandon you!

So what is the answer to this dilemma? I can sit here and tell you that I think it should stop. We should no longer harbour any resentment towards our friends for finding men and leaving us; that Jen should stop flirting with John and do everything she can to support Jane. But it’s not that easy. We’re upset when our friends find men because we value their friendship so much we don’t want to lose it. And we’re jealous because, of course it is hard to see someone so close to you find the very thing that you are desperately searching for yourself. But then, when your very best friends find men, do they really leave you? I know mine are still there to talk when I’m upset about X not replying to my last text message for 48 minutes and does this mean he’s not interested etc. etc. In fact they enjoy the involvement in these trivial single incidents, as they themselves are a little upset to have given all that up for the secure, but less exciting life as part of a couple. I don’t know if there’s ever anything you can do to stop Jen flirting with John, but perhaps this is just a sign that married life isn’t the ideal state that we are all hoping for. These insecurities and need for attention will still be there, so perhaps we should accept them and cut Jen (who I have given rather a hard time here) a little slack!