There are things in life that we don’t talk about much, not to our best friends, our sisters, brothers, boyfriend, no one. We might touch on them occasionally when our tongues are loosened by alcohol and our façade is momentarily fractured, but generally we avoid discussion of them. I’m talking about secrets, oddities, weaknesses, fears... they form the rich tapestry of life, they make it interesting. They are the basis for a million blogs. The receptionist that shared a bath with the Managing Director, the troublesome eczema that’s really caused by obsessive hand washing, the infectious jollity of the girl who in reality gets a helping hand from ‘happy’ pills because she’s thought about topping herself one too many times. We know these scenarios exist, because they set tongues wagging and spread in hushed whispers across offices, homes, neighbourhoods, friends and families.And these are just the physical manifestations of fear - worries that we’re on the right path, loving the right man, in the right job, being the right sort of person. The voices in our heads that tap, tap, tap away, pulling us in different directions, challenging us to check that we’re doing everything in our life that we should be doing.
I like my new boyfriend but every now and then, in a rewind, flashback moment, I think I’ll love KP for the rest of my life. I fight it every time the play button defects to rewind…I keep on pressing fast forward, fast forward please ...next frame, next scenario, move on. I fear not ever being able to move forward totally. To be one of those sad people…that you hear the carer in the old people’s home commenting on… “Oh yes, she’s on her own you know…never married or had children…I heard she had her heart broken once and never found anyone else”…
Tap…tap…tap….
5 comments:
If it helps - you wouldn't be the only one in that old peoples home. They'd say the same of me. I know I'll always love the one that called me Smidger.
Ah well...at least we can be grumpy old women together then Soul Sister...thank god for friends ey?!
I do not believe this is the case Sister Louise! I think you may have been in this situation before?? And the love in question still has a place in your heart... but you would never consider HIM holding you back now.
And as for the nursing home: the lonely old ladies that sit there sadly telling tales of woe of lost loves, belong to an age when marriage was for life, a job was out of the question and sex before marriage.... in their dreams!! Are you telling me that, in today's world of opportunity, you think you've come to the end of the love line....
"The NEXT One" is around the corner honey x
No, not quite the same situation. I've never been 'convinced' before. Long term relationship - yes. But I left him, not the other way round. Unfortunately it is different. But I hope you're right about 'the next one' nonetheless. L. x
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