Breaking the Pattern

Mr Right Now (http://sistersinthecity.blogspot.com/2006/09/right-for-now-or-right-forever.html) and I have been discussing our ‘relationship’ and have reached an understanding that it's not really going anywhere. This is mainly down to the fact that I don’t see us together in the future, nor do I seem to know what I actually do want. Everything’s very amicable, we’re great friends; we both know this needs to end, but neither of us wants to be the one to end it.

Finally, Mr RN, takes the plunge and decides we should break up. Instead of deciding this myself, I have forced him to do it, and instead of making this easier for him, I turn myself into the victim and resort to crying so that he has to comfort me.

I know my tears are weak and my need for comfort unfair, but it seems that I only know how to play the role of the dumpee and not the dumper. Once It’s officially over, I suddenly become far more keen and need to see him all the time. I’ve lost my security blanket and don’t like the possibility of him meeting another girl.

Then it dawns on me: I wasted five years in this situation with a previous ex-boyfriend – calling him, leaning on him for support, not quite letting him go, and forcing him to be the strong one to end it even though it was my feelings preventing us from being together.

And here I am again.

It would be so easy to follow this pattern, to replace my old security blanket that I relied on for so long with this lovely man who offers so much comfort, friendship and support. But now I know what I’m doing and how unfair I’m being, I think it’s time to break this pattern and set him free.