Toxic Attraction

Maybe, just maybe - it’s me. Why for example did I say no to the sober and successful accountant, who actually against stereotype, also happened to be laugh-out- loud funny, a fantastic kisser and who stated very early on that he rarely dabbled in the purely casual as what he really wanted was permancy – a lifetime love or love for a lifetime. As I try wherever possible to tell the truth if it’s me doing the letting down, I told him over dinner (that he insisted on paying for despite my dragging him half way across London to meet me, already slightly inebriated, in my after work pub), that I had met someone else, someone grieving because he had just lost his dad and that I liked this other guy - Blue Moon (http://sistersinthecity.blogspot.com/2006/08/once-in-blue-moon.html) too much to want to date anyone else. He thought for a moment and then asked “Are you sure you really like this guy and it’s not just that you recognise he’s lost from his loss – as are you from yours - and that maybe, just maybe you think that somehow you’ll find the right path together?” In red wine cockiness, I determined decidedly that this was most definitely not the case and that I appreciated he was looking out for me but that I just simply really liked this guy. He nodded and we finished our meal amicably and without so much as a hint of dejectedness, he kissed me goodbye and coolly never initiated contact again, although he politely answers when I call him, as I have done from time-to-time. And you know, eight months on, maybe, just maybe he was right. Eight months on I’m still seeing Blue Moon, that is I see him when he wants to see me and when he doesn’t, I tell myself, no bother, he just needs his own space right now and I concentrate my thoughts on other tortured souls who might Major in perhaps Drug Addiction or Alcoholism or failing that, Minor in Dishonesty or Nonchalance. I attract it. Or maybe, just maybe I’m attracted to it?