As a girl (surely I am still a girl – nearing 28 doesn’t make me a woman does it?!) struggling in the dating wilderness, I find that lack of manners are the worst thing to deal with. When I say manners I am not referring to the way a man holds his knife and fork or whether he holds doors open for me, in fact the door thing always makes me slightly awkward. No, I am referring more to time keeping and communications.
I respect all dating rules at the start of a relationship. For example, I am all too aware of the three day rule and that it can even, at a push, extend to five days. It’s a code that I can’t quite dispense with, (despite all the talk about not playing games) but sometimes men overstep the mark from following the rules of the game, to just plain old bad manners – which I just cannot abide! I know I sound like someone’s Grandmother, maybe even my own, but if I am waiting for a man to call when he said he would and he doesn’t, it drives me to distraction!
I think of myself as quite a self sufficient girl. When I am going out with someone I don’t expect to see or hear from them every day. Contact every other day and maybe seeing each other twice a week - or less, is fine. I also think I’m quite sensible about phone calls. I never call twice in a row and I apply the same restraint to texting. But if a man says he is going to do something, then I expect him to do it!
I am currently bemoaning the lack of manners in a man who I have finally started dating after years of flirty friendship. Apart from the fact that texts remain unanswered for days on end, he is constantly firming up arrangements really late. The other weekend, we arranged over the phone to go to dinner on Tuesday - we would firm up details nearer the time. Come Tuesday afternoon, I texted him and suggested a mutually convenient place to meet at eight o’clock. By seven o’clock I still hadn’t heard anything and my anger levels were beginning to simmer slightly. At seven thirty he finally texted to say he’d be there at eight. So I had to race around and get ready (boiling angry at this point). To top it off, he was then an hour late, leaving me alone in a pub. He texted to say he was running late just as I was about to leave the pub, giving me no option but to sit around and wait for him - charming! However, the evening was fantastic after that. We got on really well and when I mentioned that I would be meeting up with a mutual friend of ours, he asked if he could come along too. I said I would let him know what the plans were and duly texted him the day before to invite him. He never even replied. I heard from him two days after the event asking how it went and inviting me out that Saturday. I was so angry that I didn’t answer.
My thinking is that if a man behaves in this way he is just not keen. However, when I didn’t answer his texts I was then bombarded by texts from him. When I eventually agreed to go out with him again, he did the same thing as the last time and didn’t let me know what was going on until an hour before. Naturally, being a proud sort, I told him that as I hadn’t heard from him I had made other plans and then went home for a bath! I have now decided that this man is a waste of my time but the fact remains that whether I like someone or not I would never behave in this way. If I say I am going to do something I do it, or call someone in good time to say I can’t. Is this not simple manners?
Maybe it is the fact that my last boyfriend was equally ill–mannered that makes me particularly irritated by all this. He was constantly not turning up, or turning up hours late only to be severely put out when his dinner had gone in the bin or I had gone out. So, am I suffering from once bitten twice shy manners militancy or are manners in men really in steep decline?
I respect all dating rules at the start of a relationship. For example, I am all too aware of the three day rule and that it can even, at a push, extend to five days. It’s a code that I can’t quite dispense with, (despite all the talk about not playing games) but sometimes men overstep the mark from following the rules of the game, to just plain old bad manners – which I just cannot abide! I know I sound like someone’s Grandmother, maybe even my own, but if I am waiting for a man to call when he said he would and he doesn’t, it drives me to distraction!
I think of myself as quite a self sufficient girl. When I am going out with someone I don’t expect to see or hear from them every day. Contact every other day and maybe seeing each other twice a week - or less, is fine. I also think I’m quite sensible about phone calls. I never call twice in a row and I apply the same restraint to texting. But if a man says he is going to do something, then I expect him to do it!
I am currently bemoaning the lack of manners in a man who I have finally started dating after years of flirty friendship. Apart from the fact that texts remain unanswered for days on end, he is constantly firming up arrangements really late. The other weekend, we arranged over the phone to go to dinner on Tuesday - we would firm up details nearer the time. Come Tuesday afternoon, I texted him and suggested a mutually convenient place to meet at eight o’clock. By seven o’clock I still hadn’t heard anything and my anger levels were beginning to simmer slightly. At seven thirty he finally texted to say he’d be there at eight. So I had to race around and get ready (boiling angry at this point). To top it off, he was then an hour late, leaving me alone in a pub. He texted to say he was running late just as I was about to leave the pub, giving me no option but to sit around and wait for him - charming! However, the evening was fantastic after that. We got on really well and when I mentioned that I would be meeting up with a mutual friend of ours, he asked if he could come along too. I said I would let him know what the plans were and duly texted him the day before to invite him. He never even replied. I heard from him two days after the event asking how it went and inviting me out that Saturday. I was so angry that I didn’t answer.
My thinking is that if a man behaves in this way he is just not keen. However, when I didn’t answer his texts I was then bombarded by texts from him. When I eventually agreed to go out with him again, he did the same thing as the last time and didn’t let me know what was going on until an hour before. Naturally, being a proud sort, I told him that as I hadn’t heard from him I had made other plans and then went home for a bath! I have now decided that this man is a waste of my time but the fact remains that whether I like someone or not I would never behave in this way. If I say I am going to do something I do it, or call someone in good time to say I can’t. Is this not simple manners?
Maybe it is the fact that my last boyfriend was equally ill–mannered that makes me particularly irritated by all this. He was constantly not turning up, or turning up hours late only to be severely put out when his dinner had gone in the bin or I had gone out. So, am I suffering from once bitten twice shy manners militancy or are manners in men really in steep decline?
3 comments:
Welcome Sister Zaria! I understand your dislike of such bad manners, although it sounds like you are doing a good job of playing him at his own game. A few self help rules and cliches spring to mind here, such as 'never accept a saturday night date after wednedsay' and our old favourite which Sister Louise so eloquently discribed recently 'he's just not that into you'. But it sounds like this boy is keen it's just that he is a bit rubbish. I guess you have to decide whether you can put up with this or if you'd rather wait for someone more well mannered! Sometimes I wish my mother had brought up everybody, then we'd all be as thoughtful and well mannered as I am!!
P.S Great to have you on the blog xx
Zaria or Zoria is the goddess of beauty in Slavic mythology. A once-popular goddess also associated with the morning, Zaria was known to her worshippers as "the heavenly bride." She was greeted at dawn as "the brightest maiden, pure, sublime, honorable".
Welcome Zaria! Although 'brightest maiden'...we'll have to have to have a fight over that title!! This post rings so many bells...check out http://sistersinthecity.blogspot.com/2006/09/dont-drink-and-text.html
Great to have you on board!
Mobile phones have made people slack I reckon. People think it's fine to be a half hour late because they can give you warning, even if the warning itself is a bit late coming. They're still late though.
Post a Comment