Heathcliffe, it’s me… Your Girlfriend! Where the Hell have you been? Your dinner’s gone cold!

Almost since I was old enough to read, I have been an avid fan of romantic literary classics. I’ve spent years dreaming of the great hero and passionate love affair I’m hoping to one day experience. People often tell you that the love of your life is just around the corner (if that’s true this is either one of the world’s largest corners, or with my appalling sense of direction I’ve typically gone the wrong way!) but I’m still waiting for my Heathcliffe or Darcy to appear – preferably coming out of a lake looking amazingly sexy and inquiring most politely after the health of my family!

Truthfully; Mr Darcy, with all his good breeding and high social standing, doesn’t do it for me in quite the same way as the rough and rugged Heathcliffe. So much of a man he’s almost beyond human, and so mysterious he doesn’t even have a first name. I wonder if it’s this dream of finding such a hero, that has stopped me so far from finding my perfect partner. Everyday activities such as shopping with ex-boyfriends, have often become a cause for arguments or frustration. How romantic does it feel when you’re hoping for sympathy after a hard day at work and get ignored? Or you catch your man checking out the legs on the girl with a short skirt at the table next to you when you’re out for dinner? But when did Cathy and Heathcliffe ever go to Sainsbury’s to do the week shopping? When did Heathcliffe ever drive her to work and get mad with her terrible map reading skills when they went off course? Exactly – Never! They never did anything beyond running around on the moors in a fit of passion, and weren’t even both alive for the majority of their love affair!!

And if I’m really honest, I don’t even think I possess any of the qualities of Catherine Earnshaw or Elizabeth Bennett that would even attract such a man should I ever be lucky enough to come across one. In reality, I’m probably more similar to Lydia Bennett than I am Eliza (See my drunken phone story Not for the Faint Hearted to confirm this!) I admit, I do share Cathy’s big frizzy hair, (which no doubt she’d also correct if only she lived in today’s glorious times of ghds!) but running around on the moors all day would probably tire me out after a while. Romantic as it sounds, more than likely I’d get a bit cold and hungry, and ask if we couldn’t just go home and have a nice cup of tea!

I’ll never regret reading these great literary masterpieces, but having lived my whole adult life expecting this unrealistic portrayal of love to exist, I’m not sure their effect on me has necessarily been healthy! Jane Austen, with all her wonderfully conjured up heroes, never married. I’m not saying we should settle with a Mr Collins or a drippy Edgar Linton, but perhaps a Colonel Fitzwilliam or a Hareton Earnshaw wouldn’t be so bad – or even that boy in sales who you’ve had your eye on for a while?! I’m hoping at least one of these realistic heroes will be around the corner soon, and if it’s not quite romantic enough – we can still pick up Wuthering Heights and dream from time to time!